I am passionate about helping people lose weight, but I’m never going to get rich doing it. I know what I could do to get rich, and if I were more passionate about making a lot of money, it’s exactly what I would do.
It doesn’t even matter that I’m 61 and it would take 8 years to get my medical degree. I might even be able to shorten the time it takes to get a degree if instead of MD, I settled for PhD. PhD would lend adequate credibility to the health tips and diet books I would pen.
Oh! I wouldn’t write any dangerous crash diet kinds of books. Oh no, I wouldn’t write that sort of diet book at all. I’d use some legitimate peer-reviewed research to support my claims that “Americans are eating themselves sick and fat.” I’d have to take it out of the context of which it was written and apply my own conclusions, but what’s so wrong about that? I would augment and enhance my claims with some slightly sensational research conclusions that come from junk science sources.
I’d write weight loss books that promise more than just weight loss. Indeed, my plans would cure everything from belly flab to droopy rear ends to halitosis and body odor.
People are already looking for ways to rid themselves of their belly flab. They have already been convinced that their belly blubber is more than unattractive. It’s a sign of major health issues to come. They may already be at risk of “death by belly flab.” It’s always a guarantee that there will be a pre-made audience for any book that promises to eradicate belly flab forever.
My book would have readers so worried about a possible droop in their rear ends that they’d be taking butt selfies to track the daily droop progress!
Of course I would also get people really paranoid about their droopy rear ends so even the people whose butts didn’t droop would think that they did! I would convince them that droopy butts were a sign of a more serious impending sickness by once more taking some valid research and twisting it a little to support my warning. The same goes with halitosis and body odor.
My book would get people so worried about bad breath they won’t dare breathe until they finished reading the book and started on my “Breakthrough Food Plan that will change their lives forever! (and make their breath as sweet as a spring meadow)
When it comes to making money writing diet books, it isn’t just about losing weight. Plenty of good books have been written about losing weight, but they never became best sellers. Best sellers have to both scare people and offer protection against what scares them; weight loss is secondary. The best sellers position their books in the health book market as “a way to save your life, that also helps you to get fit and lean.”
My books wouldn’t be unhealthy ways to eat, just restrictive and complicated for sure.
“All produce must be locally grown and organic.” It’s just one complicated and only way to get the “full benefits of my miracle, breakthrough diet!”
The restriction and complication is necessary to convince people that my diet will really save their (droopy) butts and deliver them from the evils of body odor and halitosis. Basically forbidden foods and insisting foods get eaten in special combinations convinces the masses that it’s really going to work. In the end, all of that is a smoke screen.
Yup! Maybe I can even earn my PhD online at one of those universities that count your life experience towards your degree. I might as well get a nutritionist degree online while I’m at it. More letters after my name are impressive!
I think this would be a good head shot for the jacket cover. I look wise with the glasses and I’ve perfected the slightly goofy expression that makes me look both smart and approachable.
In a few short years Jacquelyn M. Conn PhD could be writing best-sellers and getting very, very rich! I bet I could even get a few guest appearances on the Dr. Oz show. Heck! Maybe I could even get a syndicated show of my own!
