Cats are happy because they don’t read beauty and health magazines

Boots is my fat cat.


I inherited him from my parents who passed away within 6 months of each other. I actually inherited their house and their two cats, although only one of the cats is fat.

The other kitty, Fred, has a defect in his hind leg that doesn’t cause pain, but makes him limp. His deformation doesn’t stop him from running, jumping and beating up on the fat cat. Both cats are somewhere around 10-13-years-old.


Fred knows how to intimidate!

Fred knows how to intimidate! He’s warning Boots there is no room on my lap for another cat.


This blog is about Boots. He’s is a fully mature, grown-ass cat. He is a big, fat, happy cat. All I have to do is look at him and he busts into the loudest purr I’ve ever heard from a cat. If I petting him he keeps purring and starts to drool because he is so happy.



I’m sure he misses my parents terribly because in their advanced years they rarely left the house. If they did go out, it was never very long. He just ate, purred, drooled and enjoyed their constant company.

I don’t live in his house, which is in Connecticut. I am a frequent visitor, but I live in Maine. When I’m not in CT, my sister who lives next door, comes over daily to make sure their food, water, and litter box needs are performed. If you wonder why she didn’t just take them to live with her in her house, you should know she has 3 Golden Retrievers and 3 cats living with her and her husband.

Boots spends a lot of time alone deprived of engaging in his favorite activity. There’s nobody around in whose lap he can sit. Nobody is around to give him nonstop head scratching. He needs another way to pass the time, which because there aren’t many alternatives, he sleeps. He probably sleeps and dreams about the good, old days when my parents were alive and he slept in their laps and they fed him lots of treats.

Imagine, instead of passing time by napping, he could read!


 Suppose he subscribed to cats’ health and beauty magazines.

Would his life be improved? Would reading cat self-improvement magazines enhance his satisfaction with himself and life in general? Would he feel better and more importantly, look better?

If he read cat beauty magazines he’d want to sculpt his body. He’d want to rid himself of his “unsightly” fat. The vet and I agree his weight does put his health at risk, but he’s healthy and there simply isn’t necessary human intervention and supervision available to safely put him on a weight reduction food plan.

He would read that losing weight isn’t good enough. He needs to firm and tone. He needs sleeker thighs, and a kitty six-pack. His butt is not cute because it’s too wide and flat. He would fret over a workout to address all these things that need to be fixed.


“Transform your out-of-shape cat body into a sexy lion physique with the revolutionary, breakthrough workout plan!”

What’s in style is always changing for humans. It would be the same for cats.

He reads that all black cats look cool so he dyes the parts of him that are white. Then orange cats are in style. He’d have to dye his lovely, soft fur orange. Then his soft fur would become damaged from the dyeing and bleaching and he’s need special deep conditioners that promise to make his fur thick, healthier and glossier than ever.


Fix your chemically damaged fur!

He would become dissatisfied with his eyes. He has green eyes; he wants fashionable blue eyes! They’re saggy. He needs a little cat eyelid surgery. He wants eyes like the cat pictured below!


His belly flab needs to be addressed. He needs a tummy tuck. His nose is too big. He needs rhinoplasty to get a desirable, classy, little flattened face like this lucky cat who was born with it!



This happy, self-satisfied cat would read magazines and for the first time in his life discover all that’s wrong with him. The more he finds wrong, the more he’d turn to magazines for advice on how to ix it. The more he fixes all that is wrong, the more things seem to be wrong. The magazines don’t help him fix what’s wrong and be done; they put him into an unending cycle of dissatisfaction and in vain efforts to fix, fix, fix.

He will never fret over how his big belly makes his legs look short. He’ll never wonder is he looks good enough to deserve love. He isn’t going to drive himself crazy worrying about detox drinks for weight loss or if he eats too many carbs and not enough protein. He won’t examine his stools for clues about his metabolic health. He’ll just be happy!


Lucky cats! I’d like to live in their world of blissful ignorance — no, not ignorance — blissful self-acceptance and confidence!

Jackie Conn

About Jackie Conn

Jackie Conn is married and has four grown daughters and four grandchildren. She is a Weight Watchers success story. She's a weight loss expert with 25 years of experience guiding women and men to their weight-related goals. Her articles on weight management have been published in health, family and women's magazines. She has been a regular guest on Channel 5 WABI news, FOX network morning program Good Day Maine and 207 on WCSH.